Spiritual Reflections

Another take on ‘singlehood’, marriage, pregnancy and God’s will

I have nothing against pregnancy; I believe it is one of the most beautiful miracles of life, but if you face it at the wrong time unprepared, you won’t be able to appreciate how truly beautiful it is. This entry is inspired by a conversation I had with a friend. I’ve witnessed the pain and difficulty she went through as soon as she found out she was carrying a child out of wedlock. I am thankful for the Lord has exposed me to such, but I admittedly do not like the idea of pregnancy at the moment.

Raising a child, by God’s design, should be a joint project between a father and a mother. I am not saying that it is a sin to be a single parent. I laud the single mothers and fathers. Deep inside me, I believe that they’d still want to raise their children with a partner, but most of the time they face this situation because circumstances are beyond their control.

It’s a bit disappointing how some young people just seem to throw everything to the wind and engage in pre-marital sex without thinking of the consequences. Your life will change when you have a baby of your own. You will no longer think of just yourself and your future. You will have to include the baby in your plans. You will no longer just save up for yourself, because you have to think of all the needs of your child. There are so many things that come with having a baby, so facing it when you are not prepared may cause you bitterness or depression.

For the ladies, in case a guy gets you pregnant and decides to marry you, that does not mean that the problem is solved. It’s good if the guy decides to stick with you, but I just have to warn you that you cannot expect the marriage to be perfect, since you might realize later on that you didn’t want to marry the guy after all.  You might discover later on that if you had a choice, you’d choose not to end up with him.

I feel my friend’s pain as she faces a new chapter in her life. She used to be this carefree, single go-getter who would enjoy spending her monthly salary all to herself. After she gives birth, she told me that she’d like to take on two jobs because she will have to fend for the baby and herself. Other than that, she also mentioned that she is not ready to give up her luho (which for most girls, is shopping).

Girls, take a look at this. God has designed us women for motherhood but that does not mean we should plunge into it early on. The Lord desires that we grow in Him, get to know Him and enjoy His presence while we are not yet committed to another individual. Use your being single as a period of drawing closer to Him. The length of time of our being single is very crucial because this is a period of discovery and preparation. As you get to know God more, He will make His will known to you. If it is His will for you to get married, He will reveal this to you and guide you as needed. If on the other hand, His will for you is to stay single, He will prepare you to face the rest of your days with Him alone, sustained by His grace.

Marriage and family life is not as easy as playing house. It is a life long responsibility and commitment. You can’t just leave and give up when you encounter difficulty. Marriage is not always smooth-sailing. If your idea of marriage is influenced by 7th Heaven and all those family-oriented shows on TV, think again. It is different when you live as one with another individual. You have to continually work on the marriage because you have to face the fact that feelings do fade. You will experience the blessing of marriage as you commit to the Lord and work on it as a cord of three.

Some marriages end for a variety of reasons: irreconcilable differences, infidelity, dishonesty, abuse, etc. Some realize midway, that they plunged right into a relationship without maximizing their single season. I’ve come across couples who still have personal goals to attain, but their being attached kind of makes it difficult because of the different priorities they have. Allow me to reiterate that the time we are single should be cherished—it is a gift from God. You can never buy “singlehood”, so use it wisely. Use this time to delight in the Lord and allow Him to mold you into His likeness each and everyday. There’s no need to rush into marriage.

People always tell me that my ideal age for marrying is too late because child-bearing might be difficult for me. Again, it depends on the Lord if He wills for me to have children. Some marry early, but don’t have children right away, while there are some who marry into their thirties or forties but still manage to bear healthy children. Remember Abraham and Sarah (Genesis 21:1-7)? The couple thought they won’t be able to have children because of their old age, but God promised Abraham that he would be the father of many nations.

Things happen according to fulfill God’s purposes but He is so gracious to give us free will. If we go according to His plans, there is no need to worry because He knows what is best for us. When we follow our will without asking Him for guidance, we have to be prepared to face the consequences. Whatever the outcome of our decisions are, we can rest assured that  He will never leave us, nor forsake us. God has proven this to me so many times, causing me to humble myself before Him. Even if we make the wrong decisions and suffer as a result of our folly, God is able to turn bad situations into life lessons. He will hold our hand, help us up and lead us back into His path.

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