Practical Advice, Spiritual Reflections

In the Danger Zone


That seemingly harmless caress, that hug from behind—does it mean anything or must you be alarmed? In this era of blurred lines and pseudo-relationships, it’s easy to fall for someone who is not ready to commit to you 100%. You may have come across someone who wants the benefits of a relationship without the commitment (AKA friends with benefits).

A lot of girls unfortunately, fall for this kind of relationship. Either there is that hunger, an emotional longing that needs to be filled or some just don’t see themselves as valuable enough to be properly pursued—so they unconsciously allow the other party to treat them that way. 😦

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So kinikilig ka, ganun?! Feeling mo ikaw si Bella and the guy is Edward tapos he’s going to show you his awesome music collection? Girl, wish mo lang!

First off, if he wishes to get to know you better, hindi ba pwedeng makipag-friendly date? Like sa library or sa Fully Booked (if you both love books) or you can hang-out in a coffee/tea place to talk? Bakit kailangan ALONE TOGETHER? Tapos sa place niya? Ano gagawin niyo dun? Mag-Xbox? Hindi nga, seryoso?

Unless he’s a beckie friend and you’ll spend the whole day watching Michelle Phan make-up tutorials or shoot your own version of “Let It Go”, DARLING PUT YOUR GUARD UP!

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GUY: So, I was thinking maybe you can swing by my place sometime? (Take note that this line is over-used)
GIRL: Uhm… what are we gonna do there?
GUY: Hang out. Have fun.
GIRL: Hang out? We can go sa playground. There are monkey bars there. We can totally hang out there.
GUY: No I mean, just you and me alone…

Girl, sabi ko sayo ayun na… MAY BALAK! Run away! But wait, let’s pause… don’t movies and  TV shows play up scenes like these to elicit squeals from their female target audience? When I was much younger, I got so kilig when best friends Dawson and Joey would hang out and at some point ended up kissing in Dawson’s bedroom. By the world’s standards it could be normal but honey, GUARD YOUR HEART. We must not pattern our love lives and behavior on what we see in TV shows.

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Ask questions, offer alternatives and flesh out his motives. 

GUY: No I mean, just you and me alone…
GIRL: May I be honest with you? I’m actually not comfortable with that set-up. Call me corny or you can avoid me if you want. But if you want to get to know me better, I think we can do that naman in a coffee/tea place? Or we can hang out at the park in BGC?

PAY ATTENTION TO HOW HE ANSWERS THIS!!! If he shifts uncomfortably, insists on his original plan or changes the subject, take that as a second warning. If he goes something like “Oh yeah, sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. Sure, we can go to this coffee place…” then maybe, just maybe, you can give him a second chance.

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Unfair naman sa boys, so here’s your version:
*When a girl invites you to her place ALONE to hang-out. Bro, that’s a red flag.
VHONG NAVARRO. Boys, must I explain myself further? Of course you may think:

“That might not happen to me, I’m not a celebrity”

“Vhong and I are different”

“Mas maingat ako no!”

BUT… what are the chances that it could happen to you?

Anong gagawin niyo nung girl if she invites you to her condo, ALONE? Does she need someone to fix her toilet or something? Kakain? Kailangan niya ng kasama? Drink ng wine? Tapos i-tetext ka later “Bad boy ka”

Dude, learn your lesson from Vhong.

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*When a guy brushes his hand on your legs/limbs…

Touches your hair.

Snakes his hands through your back…

Remember what the elders call them? Manghi-hipo!!! Why would a well-meaning guy touch your legs/limbs, caress your hair or snake his hands through your back? Is he a masseuse you bring with you everywhere? He’s getting touchy, too personal.  Would you actually allow it? Girls, it doesn’t matter if it’s a Justin Bieber/Harry Styles look-alike doing it. You are not a car or a motorcycle that needs to be touched to be fully appreciated. How would you react if that someone touching/caressing you looks like an Orc? Wouldn’t you scream?

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This may be a little too extreme for you. My views are honestly a bit influenced by Joshua Harris’ Not Even a Hint and I Kissed Dating Goodbye, but through Bible study, the Lord changed my thoughts on purity too. It wasn’t easy, I mean HELLO, this girl talkin’ to you was overly into Dawson’s Creek and romantic movies. I lived for kilig moments! 

How do you think I felt when those romantic scenes set by the world were not in line with purity and godly conduct? I was shattered! I closed the Joshua Harris books but again, the Lord gently revealed His reasons through His Word. Then I understood where Harris was coming from. 

Displays of affection I believe, are reserved for those in marriage or a serious relationship (leading towards marriage). Holding hands, leaning on each other’s shoulders, bear hugs, staring into each other’s eyes… You know why? If you practice this when you’re not in a relationship, one thing can lead to another. Before you know it you’re kissing, then you want more than kissing.

How do you not fall into temptation? How do you not lead someone to be tempted too? Pray that the Lord would strengthen you. If you falter in this area, submit this weakness to him for there is VICTORY IN JESUS.

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